


Let Us Entertain You

by MsFaust



Series: Different Worlds, Different Crowns [9]
Category: Queen (Band), The Muppet Show
Genre: Gen, Guest Stars, fan episode
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-05
Updated: 2015-09-05
Packaged: 2018-04-19 06:18:49
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4735634
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsFaust/pseuds/MsFaust
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The fact that this never happened in real life is a crime against humanity.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Let Us Entertain You

(We see the closed red curtain. Sam walks out and looks out at the audience.)

Sam: I must be honest with you. While I am normally opposed to the more _bizarre_ guests on this show, tonight's guests are among the few who are able to counter their weirdness with such class that I cannot help but respect them. So, here they are, Roger Taylor, Brian May, John Deacon, and Freddie Mercury.

(As Sam leaves the stage, the curtain parts. The stage resembles a throne room. The members of Queen are wearing outfits reminiscent of medieval noblemen, each of them with their instruments. The only exception is Freddie, who is leaning against the piano, where Rolf is sitting. Seated on the thrones are an Anything Muppet [AM] and Miss Piggy, dressed as a king and queen, respectively. Roger, Brian, Freddie, and John snap their fingers in turn, before Rolf begins to play the piano part of "Killer Queen.")

Freddie: She keeps Moët et Chandon in her pretty cabinet.

Miss Piggy: Let them eat cake, I say.

AM: Just like Marie Antoinette.

Freddie: A built-in remedy  
For Kruschev and Kennedy  
At anytime an invitation  
You can't decline

(Freddie stands and begins to dance.)

Freddie: Caviar and cigarettes

Miss Piggy: Well versed in etiquette

Freddie, Miss Piggy: Extraordinarily nice

Roger, Brian: She's a Killer Queen

Freddie, Roger, Brian: Gunpowder, gelatine  
Dynamite with a laser beam

Freddie: Guaranteed to blow your mind

Roger, Brian: Anytime

Freddie: Recommended at the price  
Insatiable an appetite

Roger, Brian: Wanna try?

(Freddie takes Miss Piggy's hand, and helps her up off the throne, before resuming his dancing. Miss Piggy smooths out her dress.)

Miss Piggy: To avoid complications  
I never keep the same address  
In conversation  
I speak just like a baroness

AM: Met a man from China  
Went down to Geisha Minah  
Then again incidentally  
If you're that way inclined

Miss Piggy: Perfume came naturally from Paris  
For cars I couldn't care less  
Fastidious and precise

Roger, Brian: She's a Killer Queen

Freddie, Roger, Brian: Gunpowder, gelatine  
Dynamite with a laser beam

Freddie: Guaranteed to blow your mind

Roger, Brian: Anytime

(Freddie and Miss Piggy join hands and begin to dance together elegantly. This goes on for a while as Brian plays guitar.)

Freddie: Drop of a hat she's as willing as  
Playful as a pussy cat  
Then momentarily out of action  
Temporarily out of gas

Miss Piggy, AM: To absolutely drive you wild, wild...

Freddie: She's all out to get you

Roger, Brian: She's a Killer Queen

Freddie, Roger, Brian: Gunpowder, gelatine  
Dynamite with a laser beam

Freddie: Guaranteed to blow your mind

Roger, Brian: Anytime

Freddie, Miss Piggy: Recommended at the price  
Insatiable an appetite  
Wanna try?  
You wanna try...

(The audience applauds. Cut to Statler and Waldorf.)

Waldorf: What's so killer about her? I don't see any dead bodies.

Statler: Darn. If someone died, we'd get to leave early.

(Both laugh.)


End file.
